Lucky

A long time ago I read a really awesome book called "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. I literally read the whole book on one flight to Indiana so you can imagine that it was a pretty good read. It was heartbreaking but written in such a way that you couldn't stop reading it. First of all, I suggest that book but Alice also wrote a true story about her own life that I am really enjoying right now called "Lucky." Again, it's very hard to read but also very good writing. I also just spotted another fiction book of hers in borders so that is one of my goals for the holiday to buy that and read it. I should note that if you have been sexually victimized, Lucky is either exactly for you or not advised to read based on your own sensitivity.

A little bit more of Harry

I am a huge Harry Potter Fan and read every single book over and over and J.K. Rowling just came out with a new book called "The Tales of Beedle the Bard" and it was a book that was actually mentioned in the Harry Potter Series. This was a really cute fun easy read and let me have just a few more minutes with Harry!

On the bandwagon....

Well, I have done it. I got on the bandwagon and started reading the Twilight series. I am currently through the first two books. I am so far loving them! Let me just say I normally do NOT get into the Vampire type stories. I tried to watch Buffy and I just couldn't do it but I had to read this series because I heard that the writing was so good. I am here to confirm, it is good! :)

Books are love...they truly are

Today I revisited one of my oldest and dearest loves, BOOKS. I haven't ever really stopped loving them but I have taken a little vacation from them through graduate school. I don't often have the time to read for school and read for pleasure. It's usually one of them that wins and it's usually the one of them that earns my grades. I have been really soaking up my Christmas Vacation from school by escaping into my books. There are so many books on my book shelf that have been bought for me over the last few years that I have been dying to read. I decided that over break I would be in a book every day.

So far I have read 5 of my long awaited books over the last couple of weeks and I couldn't be happier. I thought my blog could reflect some of that as I wrote about the books I have been enjoying. They are all different so be prepared for some diversity. I like all types of books so maybe you'll find something fun to read for yourself. I would love some book recommendations too if you have any I should read. I am open to all genres!

Stay tuned for my book reviews.

I'll say it again for good measure

There have been so many posts on this blog about my weight and how hard it has been for me. There have been posts where I was losing weight, gaining weight, working out, not working out, binging, not binging and in between but I was never trying to be a mama and a wife back then. Ever since I have been a wife I have not just taken my weight as an issue but my health has been an issue. I have not missed my diabetic medication since the day I said "I do" 4 months ago yesterday. I take my vows very seriously and I know that I owe not just myself but Anthony the chance for a long life with me. We are both more focused on our health since getting married and even more so since deciding to start trying to have a child.

I am going to chronicle my weight loss on a private blog for myself but I also want to report into you guys just what is going on. I shockingly found out a few months ago that I allowed myself to get back to 303 lbs. I had lost all the way down to 220 and it felt great and when graduate school started, I stopped trying to do that. Today I am 299 lbs and I am working extra hard toward some goals. I see my doctor again on Monday December 15th and then the diabetic doctor again on Friday Jan 9th so I will updates on weight quite frequently.

I am working out again, eating on a meal plan, and focused. Life can not go on with these diabetic problems and weight issues. Please say a prayer if you think about Anthony and I as we embark on a very hard goal!

Grace and other therapuetic matters

Today I had an interesting thing happen while with a client. Although I can't share the details of it on here I will say that I realized today that I am capable of some things that would have really scared me before or made me shut down. I have grown so much in my grad school program and have really developed some therapeutic skills. That makes me so happy as this program seems to be an uphill battle for me daily. Today I was just really reminded of the grace I need to give myself as I try to learn the ropes. In my own therapy on Monday we talked about grace for most of the session due to my lack of grace for myself.

Grace is such a hard concept for me to grasp. It took me several years within my relationship with Christ to accept that his salvation was entirely free. That to me sounded silly so I continued trying to earn it and I fell short pretty much every minute on the minute. I battled myself daily trying to figure out how to do my spiritual disciplines perfectly in order to allow Christ to love me consistently. This was a battle I had to choose to lose daily and just allow God's love to stop the maddness.

In my personal relationships, this is even harder for me. I still have not come to the point where I can just let Anthony love me and not think I have to pay for it later or earn his love. He is the only person who has never asked me for anything in return. This should form in me the ability to accept his love and grace without problem but for some reason this is an issue for me.